Quiet Girl, Loud City

Job Hunting as an Introvert in the Eyes of an Introvert:

Let’s just say, it ain’t easy. Currently, I am employed, but the issue right now is I would love to advance my career by seeing what else is out there for me. It’s early on in my career and I intend to take many opportunities. However, the economy isn’t helping. And the amount of people searching for jobs is overwhelming, making every single job posting extremely competitive, nearly impossible to even get your foot in the door to simply get an interview. Now, all you get is 300 applications filled and emails written, absolutely no responses, and an extreme frustration that makes you practically burst a blood vessel. Often times, we may feel stuck. I, for one, feel stuck in my career. I would like to move forward, but because of the limitations of the economy today, I am stuck. Now don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful that I even have a job, but day after day, I feel like I need to do something to push my goals further and further. After being with the same company for 2 years, I’d say it’s time to try new things. But, I’m at a standstill.

So what do you do? Sometimes I wonder if extroverts have it easier finding jobs. Often times, I get frustrated with myself: Why can’t I just call the company up and try to win them with my ‘dazzling’ personality? …I bet if I went to more social networking events, I would have a job by now…I bet they won’t respond because I’m at the end of the line, end of the pack. All the Alphas and Firecrackers are way ahead of me already with this…I’m going to blow it in this interview because they’ll see I’m not a big talker, every interview I go to they are always looking for a lot of ‘charisma,’ why can’t I be like that around strangers? and so on and so forth. What’s the most frustrating thing about all this is that you just never know what the reason is behind all of it. Why you weren’t the one who was picked out of the bunch. I wonder though, is it harder for introverts? Because we tend to do what is needed, and allow others to take their time deciding? Am I too passive or do I need to bust through the doors and scream out ‘HERE I AM! HIRE ME! ME ME ME!’ Is that rude, or would that be considered bold and desirable? I am never really comfortable with shamelessly promoting myself, and I never know whether or not what is too much or too little. 

It requires a lot of energy to find a job. I also have some issues with interviews. First, I am excited about the interview, but then next, like 24 hours before the interview, I begin to have thoughts of worry. With practice, I am able to give a ‘good performance’ at an interview, but I am always left wondering if I smiled enough, gave enough enticing eye contact, how my body language was, how my voice sounded (did I stumble? stutter? Did I sound enthused enough?), if I talked enough about myself or did I not talk enough? All of this and more can leave me ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED! Trying to keep track of all of these things, on top of trying to say the right things, is a job within itself.

What I find interesting, however, is that in Susan Cain’s book “Quiet,” she explains that there is a “free trait theory,” which explains that some introverts will take on a ‘false persona’ or to do something that feels uncomfortable to them for something that is extremely important to them. For example, an introverted professor will present speeches day after day with great power because he has a passion for teaching. For me, sometimes the free trait theory works for my career. I know I want to advance my career. And sometimes, only way to do that is to suck it up, put on a pseudo-extrovert persona for a little while and go to a networking event, or really wow someone in an interview. Whenever I don’t feel like doing something because of my nerves, I just tell myself that this is for my career, and say it to myself over and over again. After a while, I get used to the networking events and interviews and I get into the swing of things.

Right now, I’m in a slump, but I know I’ll be able to pick myself up! Good luck job hunting!

Review: Quiet: The Power of Introverts by Susan Cain

I was so excited to read this book after I saw Susan Cain’s video of her TEDTalk about introverts. Nearly everything she talked about in her TEDTalk, I found myself nodding my head in agreement. I’ve been living as an introvert my entire life, and for the longest time, I felt like an outcast. I would find my parents embarrassed of my ‘shy’ or ‘withdrawn’ demeanor and worried that there was something fundamentally wrong with my social skills development growing up. I think this year was the FIRST time I ever heard that it was okay to be an introvert. And in Susan Cain’s book, research on top of research; interview after interview, truly proves this. It actually empowered me in many different ways. In this highly extroverted country, the culture idolizes the extrovert, while the introvert is seen as weak. Cain proves that this ‘extrovert ideal’ is cultural. In other countries, being an introvert means power. In America, however, getting ahead & being overtly assertive has become the way of life, and the many, many amazing qualities of introverts is clouded. Introverts tend to have a better understanding of themselves and tend to be more aware of the needs of others. Introverts tend to have more well-thought out ideas, as they like to share only when they are comfortable with the ideas. Introverts are GREAT leaders and innovators. This book allowed me to truly understand myself and my personality type. If you’re an introvert, I’d highly recommend this book. You’ll feel so great about yourself, and gain so much knowledge.

How many times have I made this excuse?

It’s not that I DON’T want to do anything with friends or co-workers, but it’s just when things are done at last-minute or on the fly, I get extremely uncomfortable. I’m a person of routine. I like to do things planned accordingly. I usually eat the same thing for breakfast, go to the same place for lunch. It’s usually tough for me to drastically change the balance of my day. For my health, this is fantastic (I get used to eating the same healthy foods, going to the gym every other day at the same time, going to sleep at the same time each night, etc), but for my social life, it’s not so great. But then again, I’m totally happy just doing my own thing. On a normal day, I’d go to the gym in the morning, go to work, meet my boyfriend after work & relax for the rest of the evening (relaxing, meaning: eating dinner, surfing the web, and catching up on some television shows online). Sometimes, I get afraid that I’ll be offending my friends if I decline an invite. Once before, I knew a group of colleagues who were always going out for drinks, having parties with each other; and for a while, I was invited to their events. However, their style of socializing did not really agree with mine (they were all realllyy loud, risk-takers, etc), and it made me feel uncomfortable whenever I was with the large group. As time went on, I would decline their invites practically all the time because I never had fun at their events, but I really wished I would (it always looked like they had such a fun time and it made me upset that I could just never get into it). One-on-one with the people in the group, I was totally cool with them. But as a large group, I could never handle it. Unfortunately, it made me believe that they thought that I was some kind of ‘party pooper’ and eventually just don’t want to be around me anymore. I kept trying to convince myself that I was the one who was rejecting them, but in my mind, because our extrovert & introvert party styles collided, it caused me to believe that they were the ones rejecting me. 

It’s been like that many times before: I am afraid of people NOT liking me, that I just reject them before they even get to know me. I’m sure it’s a problem with a lot of people, but whenever it’s a matter of ‘I’m unsure of what this person thinks of me because they’re so cool, or higher-up on the corporate ladder,’ I tend to shut myself off.   I am unsure why I naturally do this, because I don’t necessarily think of myself in a poor light. I think it’s actually because I know that if a person like that would like me, then it would throw off my entire lifestyle balance, if that makes any sense. If I made friendly acquaintances with someone who goes out a lot, is highly advanced in their career, etc, then I would feel like I would have to keep up with them, or go to all of the events that they invite me to, and feel like I would be pressured to keep in constant communication with them. If I don’t, then I know I would be setting myself up for rejection because I can’t keep up with the extroverted ways. I’m trying to get out of this state of mind, but it’s difficult. I think I’m a bit too modest sometimes…

Anyways, I know there’s nothing wrong with a routine, but how do you guys deal with other extroverts or last-minute invites? I’m interested to read how other introverts deal with this stuff!

Growing up with an extroverted sibling isn’t easy

My parents always knew that my older sister and I are like night and day when it came to our personalities. My sister would be extremely social; asking questions, and constantly looking for new friends. Me, on the other hand, would spend countless hours in my bedroom, building forts out of my bedsheets, and hanging out with my stuffed animals. My sister was a social butterfly. I was considered to be ‘withdrawn.’ Whenever we had a family function, or we were introduced to new people, my identifier title was “The Shy One.” I seriously looked up to my sister, as any little sister would, and I tried to do everything that she did. I considered her to be my best friend when I was younger and could not understand why she wanted to meet new friends instead of spend time with me. While her extroversion was praised by adults, my introversion was negatively received. Growing up with this comparison constantly by my side was not beneficial to my self-esteem. Not only was I envious of my sister’s extroverted abilities, but I was also hurt that she did not share the same ‘close tie’ values of friendship as I did. I wanted to be like her so much so badly, and at the same time, I despised her for it.

As we have gotten older, there has still been that big bold line that defined our personalities as opposites, but I have been able to distance myself from that extrovert envy that I had towards her when I was younger. It was always the classic Marcia vs. Jan, Bridget vs. Kerry battle between us. During the holidays, my sister would have no shame talking about her achievements at work, show off her photos with her numerous friends, and work the room to every person there; while I would normally talk to one or two people and would much rather talk about things other than myself. Extrovert vs. Introvert in the family can create a massive rivalry, but I have found ways to get around that and focus on what makes me unique. Now that the holidays are around, here are a few ways to make sure you don’t become victim of that extrovert envy:

Before a family function, make a list of good qualities & achievements you have. They don’t have to be anything big or groundbreaking, even the small things count. Reason why this is a good thing to keep in your mind: whenever my sister would start to go on about herself, I would start to compare myself to her in my mind. Then, I would start to think that because I’m negatively comparing myself to her, I felt like everyone else in the room was as well. This would drive me nuts and I would start to get angry, and no one would ever quite know why. Repeating that list in your head is a good thing to do when the negative starts to come in.

Leave the room politely if your extroverted sibling starts to get under your skin. 

If you don’t want to have awkward conversation, help with the dinner, or help the hostess. I’ve always find this to be a very good technique because it gets your mind away from the extroverted sibling stealing the show, and in a very positive and helpful light. It also helps you think ‘My sister/brother is good at socializing, but I am good at helping out.’ It’s a constructive way to see your qualities and stop comparing. 

Read up on some current events, or some funny news & change the subject of conversation to get the topic away from your sister/brother if it’s been going on for a bit too long. Just remember not to do this rudely, you want to transition into this smoothly, as to not make it seem like you’re being petty. 

Make a card or gift for relatives/guests This always makes me feel good inside when I give a gift, plus it makes relatives more appreciative of you and remind them that you are caring and put your good qualities in the spotlight.

I know I have a few more techniques, but I want to know what you think! How do you deal with your extroverted sibling during the holidays?

Cats & Dogs

The one way to describe and explain the temperament of introverts and extroverts is through the ‘cat and dog’ analogy. Cats are introverts. Dogs are extroverts. Now, as an introvert myself, I am more of a dog person, but I also love cats and can understand their more complex temperaments. 

So why are cats like introverts?

Cats need their personal space. Most cats usually like to observe their subjects and are usually peeved or flighty when a stranger tries to force themselves upon them first. Generally, they can tolerate social interaction in small doses. When they start to get overstimulated, they need to retreat to their special spots. I’ve learned that with cats, they like to be around people, but to view them from afar. Then, you should wait for them to make first contact. Many big dog lovers usually don’t understand why cats hate it and try to get away when a stranger grabs them and tries to pet them. Because it’s too much at once; just like when an extrovert comes on too strong to an introvert. This doesn’t mean a cat doesn’t like you, it just means the cat needs to get to know you better before taking that next step. When things are taken slowly, introverts tend to respond better. Like cats, we need our boundaries. Like cats, we prefer to observe, and then participate when we are ready to do so, or when we feel we have something of value to say. Dogs, on the other hand, are constantly stimulated by interactions with others and gain more energy by doing so. 

Famous Introverts:

Fun Fact: Introverts only make up 30% of the population! Correction! We’re a small large bunch, we make up 1/2 of the population, as been informed to me by fellow introvert blogger, Susan! Good to know :) 

Contrary to a common myth about introverts, we are not ‘afraid’ to put ourselves out there, nor do we necessarily hate people. We just need time for ourselves; our brains work differently. To build up some of your own pride about being an introvert, here are just a few of the many famous introverts…some you would even be surprised to learn are introverts

Famous & Successful Introverts:
Albert Einstein 
Jackie Kennedy
Meryl Streep
Clint Eastwood
Tom Hanks
Johnny Carson
Steve Martin
Jane Goodall
Diane Sawyer
Harrison Ford
Julia Roberts
Gwyneth Paltrow
Audrey Hepburn
Bill Gates
Abraham Lincoln
Mia Farrow
Mark Zuckerberg
Steven Spielberg
Mark Twain

Have more to add to the list?

The Joys of Being an Early Bird:

I ALWAYS hated getting up early in the morning. Up until the end of high school, I hated getting up at the crack of dawn and stumbling out of bed to get to school. When I got to college, I suddenly started to realize the peacefulness and serenity of getting up before everyone else. I began to use that time as my ‘personal time’ to get myself energized for the day. I would go to the gym, read the news, or just to get some errands out of the way before everyone else started to bombard me with more things I needed to get done. I’ve noticed that if my other roommates were up during that time, it irked me a little because I enjoyed that personal time and space for myself. It was a form of meditation, I guess you could say, for mental preparation. I hated feeling rushed and I like to take my time when I get ready in the morning. Another introverted quality: we like to take things a bit more slowly. I’ve noticed that by doing this, I am less inclined to be in a bad mood and get to truly appreciate little things, such as the taste of my breakfast, the smell of my coffee roasting, or the beauty of the sunrise.

6 years later, I’m still an early bird and I have to say it still helps me, especially now that I am working full-time in the city. I usually get to work well before anyone even gets into the office, allowing me to be able to get myself even more prepped for the day. I can think clearly in the morning, and I usually work better and get my best ideas in the mornings.

Introverts need that ‘personal time’ to help them get energized. For others, it may be during other times of the day, but I think it’s important that introverts be able to get a chunk of time to themselves. If we don’t, we tend to get tired quickly, become moody, or more stressed. If you see that this is a pattern with yourself, take the time to schedule your day and get about 1-3 hours every day by yourself with something that will help you get your mind together; whether that be exercising, writing, or just finding something you love to do just to get yourself together. Your mind, body, and mood will thank you for it!

How do you use your personal time to re-energize? Leave me a comment!